After The Blair Witch Project was released, Becky and I had been joking about parodies and...well...I had The Sentinel on the brain at the time.

Minor Spoiler Alert for anyone who still hasn't seen The Blair Witch Project

The Ditch Blair Project
(c) Beth H
August 1999


(In August of 1999, three detectives from the Cascade Police Department were sent out by their captain on what should have been a routine assignment. Two of them took the opportunity to engage in what they thought was a little harmless opposite sex flirting. They were never heard from again.)


"I'm telling you, it's spooky, man."

"And I'm telling you, you're imagining things; detectives don't just disappear into thin air. Are you sure you haven't been hitting the peyote again, Chief?"

"That is, like so not cool to bring that up. It was only once, Jim."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, Sandburg. Okay, let's go over what happened one more time."

"I already told Simon everything, and I've talked to Internal Affairs. I'm tired, Jim. I need to get some sleep, and I don't see what good going over it again is going to do."

"Come on, Blair, humor me. I thought you were the one in this partnership who liked to talk everything to death..."


"Sorry about that. I just meant that I thought you knew better than anyone how important it is for partners to share everything. Just one more time. For me?"

"Well, if you put it that way, apology accepted. Who knows, maybe you will see something that I've been missing. Okay, so you know that while you were still in Seacouver, Simon had me out last night with Megan and Ryf, questioning possible witnesses to the disappearance of those student filmmakers."

"The ones who were making that fake documentary, yeah...I know."

"Okay, so all of a sudden Megan says we should all split up and question different people. I think that's cool, but as soon as we start to go in three different directions, I happen to turn around and I notice that Ryf and Megan are slipping off together. Maybe it's a coincidence, I think, but you know that case has been making me nervous. I mean, the students were all at Ranier...they all took my Anthro class last term, Jim. Oh god, you don't think it had anything to do with something I said, do you?"

"Hey, Blair, one problem at a time, man. I know you're worried about your former students, but we're dealing with a different case right now."

"Yeah, sorry. Where was I? Right. Ryf and Megan. It seemed as if they had been making little squeaky sounds all evening, but when I asked them about it, they just laughed and said I was imagining things. So anyway, I look to see what building they went into, and it's some seedy hotel. I couldn't remember any witnesses on the our list who worked in that place, and I decided to just go over there for a second and see if they were following a lead I didn't know anything about."

"That sounds good so far, Chief."

"Right? But when I walked into the lobby, both of them had disappeared already. I asked the man at the reception desk where they'd gone, but he said he hadn't seen any detectives...just the Smiths returning to their room."

"He said he hadn't seen Ryf and Megan?"


"And how big is this lobby?"

"That's the strange thing, Jim. It's tiny. I can't believe he could have missed them."

"You know, might be missing the obvious because you don't want to see it."


"What if Ryf and Megan have been checking into this hotel as the Smiths?"

"Oh, Big Guy, that's impossible. Megan and Ryf wouldn't do anything that dangerous. I mean, there have been departmental rules against members of the opposite sex checking into a hotel together around here since, well, since Starsky and Hutch were still on the force."

"Just because it's dangerous doesn't mean somebody isn't going to try it. Hell, look at all the times that you and I try to avoid the inevitable. And what happens then, Chief? One of us gets kidnapped or tortured or shot, and only *then* do we figure out that we're supposed to be together."

"Oh, man, you've got to be right, Jim. How could I have missed this?"

"Yeah, well, I'm not all brawn and no brain, College Boy."

"So what are we going to do? Jim, they may have done wrong...they may be a man and a woman, but they're our friends. If we don't stop them soon fast, Ryf and Megan are bound to end up dead...

"...or worse. Yeah, I know, Chief. Okay, there's really only one answer."

"You mean...?"

"Uh-huh...we're just going to have to go into that hotel ourselves, armed with lube and handcuffs and pray that whatever we get up to will be hot enough to make people forget that there was ever any non-slash monkey business going on here tonight. You with me, Sandburg?"

"Always, Big Guy. Always."


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