Someone posted an announcement to a list that the film The Count of Monte Cristo was going to be opening and - not unexpectedly - the conversation soon veered to an appreciation of the charms of the film's two male leads, Guy Pearce and Jim Caviezel. I figured it would just be a matter of time before somebody somebody started slashing the movie, maybe with something like this. ***** The Count of Monte Crisco (c) Beth H January 2002 *** "Good lord, man...what *is* this substance?" "Amazing, isn't it? During my years of captivity, I occasionally found myself the recipient of, shall we say 'unwanted attentions' because, well..." "Because you're so well-formed and attractive, surely." "Well, yes, actually." "And this substance?" "Ah, the Crisco. Yes, well, I had some time on my hands, and came to the conclusion that perhaps something to...ease the way, as it were, might not be unwelcome." "You're a genius!" "Oh, it was nothing. Now, would you care to bend over my treasure chest once again?" "It would be my pleasure!" **** Return to random snippets Return to main page