Harry Potter and the Very Happy Birthday
by Beth H.
(c) September 2003

"Oh,come on, Severus. Don't be such a spoilsport."

"I am not a . . . spoilsport. I am simply unwilling to indulge your peurile whim."

"This isn't pure-whatever. It's . . . it'll be fun!"

"Fun. A word meaning 'a source of amusement, enjoyment, or pleasure.' I can assure you, Potter, nothing about the activity you described to me could possibly be considered 'fun' by anyone except a child."

"Headmaster Dumbledore said . . . ."

"Your bringing Albus Dumbledore into the discussion at this juncture will only strengthen my argument."

"But what if . . . ."

"Potter, I said no, and no my answer shall remain until the crack of doom."

. . .

"Are you pouting, Potter?"

"No."

"You are pouting. If it weren't for the fact that you have not yet begun to drool, I'd think you'd been taking lessons from Mrs. Granger-Weasley's youngest."

"Oh, just shut your gob, you prat."

"Ah, that's a very nice sentiment, isn't it? And here I was given to understand that your express purpose in setting up this ridiculous activity was - and I quote - to make me 'happy on my birthday.' Clearly that concern was secondary to getting your own way. As usual."

"Would you stop whinging, already? I've got the point. You don't want to play Paintball. Fine. I'll tell both teams to piss off and you can spend your birthday by . . . ."

"Teams?"

"Yeah, teams. I told you this already, but you were so busy complaining you must not have . . . ."

"Who's on the other team?"

"Huh?"

"That seems a simple enough question even for you. Who would I be . . . shooting at if I participated in your childish game?"

"Well, Ron offered to be the other captain, so him. And Sirius. And . . . ."

"Black's in the country?"

"Yeah. Just got back last night. I was asking Remus if he wanted to play when Sirius came in, and . . . ."

"I'd be able to shoot at Black."

"Yes."

"I've changed my mind. Come along. We wouldn't want to delay the start of the battle, would we?"

"You are such a git. You know that, don't you?"

"Surely you don't expect me to answer such an inane question."

"Happy birthday, Severus."

[Pause] "Thank you. Harry."