Pairing: Severus Snape/Gerard Way
A/N: Silliness Written as a gift for Femme, after seeing an interview on youtube suggesting that Way rivalled Severus Snape in matters of hygiene.
"Hmm." Severus eyed his unwelcome roommate with distaste. "Not precisely what I had in mind."
Gerard narrowed his eyes. "Not what you had in mind? I don't know what you're bitching about. You're supposed to be dead...it's not like anybody's going to miss you. I, on the other hand, am supposed to be in New Jersey visiting my brother and then directing a video. I have a life."
"Oh, a life. Well aren't you just fucking special." Severus sneered. "You wouldn't have any kind of a life if I hadn't used the last of my magic to rescue you from that...mob."
"Mob? They were fans. They just wanted my autograph, for God's sake."
"So you say," Severus said. "They looked like Death Eaters to me."
"What are Death Eaters?"
"Never mind, you ungrateful, unwashed..."
Severus scowled. "And what, precisely, do you mean by that 'Hah!'?"
"Well...it's the pot calling the cauldron black, isn't it? I've never seen such greasy hair on anyone who hadn't just dumped a jar of Dep all over his head. And have you taken a look at your nails recently?"
"So says the man whose jeans haven't been laundered in so long a time that they could probably stand up and walk away unaided."''
"If any of my clothes could walk away, I'm sure they would," Gerard said angrily, "but somebody seems to have locked us into this room."
"That was an accident," Severus muttered. "The charm is sure to wear off...eventually."
"And until then?" Gerard asked. "What the hell are we supposed to do until your stupid charm wears off?"
Just one hex. Surely he had enough magic left for one small hex.
"Oh, I'll leave that to you, I think," Severus said with a sneer. "What is it you and your dirty little friends usually do to pass the time?"
Gerard's eyes widened, and then he grinned.
"What is it?" Severus said. "What is it that you find so damned amusing?"
"Oh nothing," Gerard said with a smirk. "Just wondering what I might be able to offer to get you to agree to be one of my dirty little friends."
Severus frowned. "What, precisely, are you suggesting?"
"Well," Gerard said, sitting down on the king-sized bed. "We're going to be in here for a while, and...."
"Are you trying to tell me that you're queer?"
"Does it matter?" Gerard asked, looking up at Severus through his mascara'd eyelashes and smiling. "I can be whatever you want me to be.
Severus swallowed...hard. "I see."
"No," Gerard said, reaching out for Severus' zipper. "You don't yet, but you will soon."