Written for hpshortfics, with the challenge: "Any Character, and the job they'd have if they had to live in Muggle world for a year."


Playing to One's Strengths
by Beth H
June 2006

It began as a matter of necessity

Having no access to his Gringotts account and no means of securing even temporary employment in the wizarding world for the foreseeable future (most businesses being not at all keen on hiring Death Eaters, and the Dark Lord being quite big on 'encouraging staff retention,' yet unconcerned with such trivialities as paying his minions for services rendered), Severus Snape begrudgingly turned toward the Muggle world. After all, a man had to eat, and transfiguring a twig into a bacon buttie was never really satisfying, no matter how much brown sauce he added.

The trouble was, despite Severus's unquestioned intelligence, he wasn't actually qualified for anything. The only Muggle job that required similar skills to the ones Severus used in Potions making and in Defense - i.e., tending bar - also required that he be at least slightly congenial. Congeniality hadn't been Severus's long suit even when he was a little boy, and things had most definitely not improved with age.

Therefore, a list had to be made of the attributes Severus possessed as well as the things he had to take into account when on a job search.

-No formal qualifications in the Muggle world.
-Not a people person (does not suffer fools gladly)
-Patient (except when goaded into hysteria, but how could he be faulted for that in a world full of dunderheads!)
-Only comfortable wearing black

It took rather more time than he had thought it would take, but finally the answer came to him. It was so obvious, he wondered why he hadn't thought of it immediately.

His very satisfied customers told him they couldn't imagine him in any other line of work. Some of them even suggested he have cards printed, so that he might increase his client base, and in the end, Severus was forced to acknowledge that this was a fine idea.

Severus Snape: Professional Funeral Mourner
"When the dearly departed just doesn't
look gloomy and grisly enough..."


Comments, critiques, chit chat: beth-h @ mrks.org

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