Written for no particular reason after the opening weekend of Prisoner of Azkaban.|
Snape's Other Worst Memory
He should have known it was a bad idea from the start.
Too much of Minerva's special sherry the night before his second year of teaching at Hogwarts commenced, and Severus . . . well, something had unleashed his inner Hufflepuff, because before he knew it, he'd revealed his complete and utter lack of sexual experience and had allowed himself to be led off by hand to Minerva's rooms for what she, with her no-nonsense tones, called a 'simple rite of passage," but what Severus could only think of as 'oh, thank Merlin, I'm finally, finally going to lose my bloody virginity!"
Blame the excitement of the moment. Blame the fact that Severus had, for the past decade, viewed Minerva McGonagall as something of a maternal figure, even though he'd sooner die than admit that he saw the Gryffindor witch this way, even to himself. Blame the fact that alcohol is well known as a depressant, physically inhibiting the male sexual response.
Whatever was to blame, Severus could not . . . could not perform.
This, in itself, would have been humiliation enough, but then Hooch - who turned out to have been present for this entire mortifying spectacle ( . . . and how could it be that Severus had never realized that Hooch and McGonagall actually shared rooms?) - called out "Severus, for Circe's sake! Stick out your right hand and say 'Up!' Don't you remember anything I taught you?" before cackling so hard she fell off her chair onto the floor.