Written for the Second Harry Potter Gen Ficathon.

Prompt: Snape's PoV of the events of "Spinner's End." Did he really know what Narcissa was asking him for, or was he just playing along? What made him agree to the Vow? How does he react once the women are gone? (etc).

Houston Hogwarts? We Have A Problem.
by Beth H.
(c) January 2006


"Ah! Come in, Severus. I was just wondering how you'd been getting on this summer. You haven't been lonely, have you?"

"Well...actually, Headmaster, no. You see, Pettigrew's been staying at the house."

"Oh, has he? How lovely! I didn't know the two of you were..."

"No! It's not like that, Headmaster! The Dark Lord ordered him to move in."

"I see. And yet...didn't that very interesting Muggle group, the Rolling Stones, once say something about how you can't always get what you want, but..."

"Headmaster, this is a gen story, not slash!"

"So it is. I keep forgetting. Well, I don't suppose you came all the way back to Hogwarts before term time to discuss your non-existent love life, so what can I do for you?"

"Well...I think we might have a problem."

"Oh dear. A problem, is it? You mean, some problem other than a maniacal Dark Wizard intent on killing a young innocent boy and ruling the world?"

"Innocent, my arse."

"Excuse me, Severus? I didn't quite catch that."

"It was nothing, Headmaster. And yes, we have another problem."

"Perhaps we'd better sit down. Lemon drop?"

"No thank you, sir. Um...I had a visitor last night. Two, actually."

"And who might those visitors have been?"



"Narcissa Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange."

"A threesome, Severus? Oh heavens! I had heard the rumours, but..."

"Headmaster! It's not het either! Gen, you senile old coot!"

"Oh, yes...I keep forgetting. Sorry."

"It's all right. And...I apologize for raising my voice. I'm a little on edge."

"Don't worry, my dear boy. I'm not as thin-skinned as all that."

"Right, so...apparently the Dark Lord has set an impossible task for Draco Malfoy."

"I see."

"And, well, Narcissa asked me to look out for Draco."

"Quite understandable."

"And she asked me to help him accomplish his task."

"To which you, of course, responded by saying that you wouldn't conceive of going behind Voldemort's back in that way."



"Not quite."

"No? Well, what did you say?"

"Er...I'm afraid I said I'd help."

"Oh, did you?"

"Um hmm. And...that's not all."

"What else did you tell her, Severus."

"That I'd dthtskfdrcoclnt."

"Sorry, could you repeat that?"

"Yes. That I'd do the task if Draco couldn't."

"Oh dear. Well, then...let's just hope she doesn't discover you've lied."

"About that, sir."


"I didn't quite lie. Not exactly."

"Severus, what did you do?"


"Well, I'm waiting!"

"I took an Unbreakable Vow."


"Say something, Headmaster."

"And what was the task you promised to do, Severus."

"It was...oh, it's a bad thing."

"Yes, I suspect it is. But why don't you just let me be the judge of how bad it is."

"I...I promised to kill you, apparently. Heh. Funny, isn't it?"


"But it's all right, isn't it Headmaster? I mean, your hand is...well, you're dying anyway, and..."

"Who the hell told you I was dying, Severus? Look! It's barely black anymore. It's getting better."

"Oh. Um...but if it came down to it...I mean, if you were dying anyway, you'd want me to kill you to keep Draco from becoming a murderer, wouldn't you?"

"No, I'd want you to kill Draco! Who's more necessary to this war effort, for god's sake?"

"Ah, yes, but if it came down to it...if you were poisoned or something."

"Severus, I want you to swear an Unbreakable Vow to me this minute that you will not poison me."


"Right this minute, young man!"

"Yes sir. I swear I won't poison you!"

"That's better. So...let's see where we stand. You swore an Unbreakable Vow to Narcissa Malfoy in the presence of her sister Bellatrix Lestrange, nee Black, that you'd protect her son, and help him with the task set for him by a maniacal Dark Wizard and that if the boy can't complete his task, you'd do it yourself, even though you knew the task was to kill me, your mentor, the only person who ever trusted you in your entire life and the sole reason you're not rotting away in Azkaban with your soul sucked out by a Dementor."

"It sounds so bad when you say it like that, sir."

"Do I have the gist?"

"I'm afraid so."



"You know, Severus, that there's a curse on the Defense job, don't you?"

"Of course, Headmaster."

"The job's yours this year."


"Get out, Severus. I have an owl to send to Horace Slughorn."

"But sir!"

"Good day, Severus."

"Oh hell, I didn't want to do this. Imperio!" Albus Dumbledore...when you first see the opportunity, you must force Harry Potter to poison you! Okay, and as for the rest of this conversation...Obliviate!"


"Hello, Headmaster."

"Ah! Come in, Severus. I was just wondering how you'd been getting on this summer."

Comments, critiques, chit chat: beth-h @ mrks.org

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