Comment-fic written for McTabby's "Summary Executions XXXII"
The summary in question: "A poem that Lily makes in her head whil Volemort comes. Rated PG for inapporitate words."
99 Bottles of Butterbeer on the Wall
As was true for so many secretly self-hating Muggleborns, Lily had long been fascinated by the aura surrounding Lord Voldemort, so when she and James had a falling out, Lily naturally turned her attentions toward attracting the interest of the most powerful dark wizard in Europe.
Apart from Voldemort's dangerously charismatic appeal, Frank Longbottom's girlfriend, Alice, had told Lily that older men had more staying power, and she thought that might make a nice change.
However, as Lily soon found out, one must be careful what one wishes for.
"...Seventy-three bottles of butterbeer on the wall, Seventy-two bottles of butterbeer," Lily hummed tunelessly to herself as Voldemort pounded away into her. "You accio one down and pass it around, Seventy-two bottles of butterbeer on the wall...."
Perhaps she'd been too hasty breaking up with Quick Draw McPotter; at least he had never made her chafe.
"...Seventy-two bottles of butterbeer on the wall," she continued singing to herself. "Seventy-two bottles of butterbeer. You accio one down and pass it around. Seventy-one bottles of butterbeer on the wall...."
"Um...how are you doing there?" she asked her partner.
"Call me Master!" Voldemort panted.
"Right. Master. Anyway...how's it going, Master?"
Lily should have known better than to believe an adherent of the Dark Arts. Forty-five minutes later, Voldemort was still pumping away...and no closer to completion than before.
"Any second now," he panted. "I'm almost...damn! Call me Master again!"
"Master," Lily said aloud, with as much false enthusiasm as she could muster, but inside she was thinking "...Sixteen bottles of butterbeer on the wall, sixteen bottles of butterbeer. You accio one down and pass it around, fifteen bottles of butterbeer on the wall..."
"Oh yes, that's it!" Voldemort shouted. "That's...ah, perhaps not."
Lily sighed. It was going to be a long night.